Ian's Birthday
by Northernlight24
Summary: It's Ian's birthday, but how come nobody is acknowledging his birthday or even saying happy birthday?      Thanks a lot to my wonderful beta, Alex Almighty.


**Hey people. It's me with probably another fail story. It's actually funnier than it should have been, thanks to my wonderful beta, Alex Almighty, who is the unquestioned king of humor here (no offense to others). Thanks a lot Alex! Most part it's mine, but Alex Almighty added some realy funny parts to it, that I mostly kept.**

**If there is any grammatical mistake, it is probably all my fault. But this story is humor, not some romance story that has every wording correct! Ian is obviously a bit OC.  
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**Ian's Birthday**

Ian was having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. Everywhere he went just gave him another reason to be totally depressed. Not Emo level depressed… but depressed. It was his birthday. Usually, people were very jolly or happy on their birthdays. But that was not the case for Ian today. Let us start from the beginning.

"Aaaah!" Ian cried as he landed hard on the floor.

He stood himself up sheepishly, rubbing his head. He had woken up to a terrifying nightmare that Buffy the boxer-eating dog and Saladin the brutal scratch machine had mutant babies together that hunted him down for the rest of his life. Not fun.

Realizing that it was his special day, he had immediately looked around for a maid. However, nobody had brought him breakfast in bed like they normally did on his birthday. What was with that?

"Maybe the maid fell down the stairs and into a giant pie or something," he thought.

No big deal.

He sighed and went to sit at his desk. He never really got what he wanted for his birthday. He never really got a card, call, or email, unless it was from some other rich person who didn't really care but wanted to get on his good side for business transactions or free birthday coupons from the Ian Fan Club. Not even from his parents would acknowledge the day.

"But maybe," he thought, "this year might just be different." He had tried harder to be "friendly" lately and had actually interacted with a great number of peasants as well as keeping in contact with the other clue hunters. Maybe this year would be different after all.

He slid up his Windows 7 laptop and took a deep breath before opening his email. Finally, he opened up his inbox to reveal… nothing. No emails! Zilch! NADA!

Ian was shocked. "None?" he thought dejectedly. "Huh. Not even from Harrods! Come on, I've spent 15 million bucks on them. Maybe it is just too early in the morning. That must be it!"

He decided to take a walk, in lack of anything better to do, and come back later.

A half hour later, he was strolling through downtown London and stopped at his personal outfitters. A man named Henry Matthews owned the store.

Surely Henry would remember his birthday, as Henry knew most of his clients by heart. In fact, some people thought of him as a stalker.

Henry greeted him with his usual, "What can I do for you, monsieur?"

"Nothing in particular currently," Ian replied. "But do you notice anything about today?"

"Nothing comes to mind about today…" trailed Henry. "Except that it's finally Friday."

Ian shook his head. "Perhaps pertaining to me…" he prompted.

Henry looked Ian over thoughtfully. "Not really," he said, "except the fact of course that you are in your pajamas?"

"WHAT?" Ian cried.

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><p>An eventful hour later, when Ian had successfully changed back to his normal tuxedo, he sat down and checked his emails just to be sure he hadn't missed anything.<p>

There was still nothing of personal value, just a notice that he had scored a measly 99 on the history part of the Standardized Test. He banged his head on the table with anger. Somebody would remember… right? He called Amy and Dan on the spot. They had grown a tad closer to him and Natalie since the clue hunt.

"Hey, Vince McMahon, what's your favorite color?" Dan answered cheerily.

"It's me, Ian," Ian sighed, rolling his eyes.

"Ugh, I hate that color," commented Dan. "So what's the occasion?"

"Actually, that's what I was going to ask you!" replied Ian. "Do you know what day it is today?"

"Oh it's a Friday, duh," Dan answered casually.

Ian kept the conversation on. "Anything else?"

" Hang on, let me look it up." Ian heard typing. "Oh! According to the Internet It's Run up the Flagpole and See if Anyone Salutes You Day! Seriously! Though only ninjas, like me, can RUN up flagpoles. Normal people, like YOU, have to climb them. It's also Thomas Crapper's birthday! He invented the flush toilet you know!"

Ian was honestly speechless.

"Uhhh… here's Amy!" Dan said quickly after a minute of uncomfortable silence.

"Yes Ian," Amy confirmed. "This really isn't a special day at all, except for being the end of school week! Speaking of school… talk to you later! We can't be late!"

Ian hung up the phone sadly. Ah… even those two didn't know. That was…. rather sad. So much for Dan's photographic memory.

Maybe Jonah. The rapper was busy, but perhaps he would remember.

As soon as the phone was answered there was a huge commotion. A crash echoed over the phone line. "Whoa…. Settle down, homies!" came Jonah's voice. "I love y'all, but come on, get a life! Oh hey Ian, make it snappy! Some crazy paparazzi is coming at me, man!"

"Hey Jonah!" Ian greeted. "Do you know what day it is, except it Friday-"

"Friday? You like that song? Are you a hater of me?"

"Who's Rebecca Black, Jonah?" He asked.

"Are you serious! You're out of it man!" cried Jonah. He laughed. "Listen to it sometime when you need to remind yourself that some people are stupider then you."

"That's not why I called! Isn't it a special day?" Ian interjected desperately.

"Hmm, not really," Jonah said rapidly. "But I gotta jet. These fans… I mean monsters… are gaining!"

Ian stared at the phone in disbelief. The Holts, the Starlings, even the old burrito Asian, was it Alastor? Ali? didn't acknowledge his birthday.

The only person was left was his sister. Natalie. He marched up to his sister's grand room… which really was the entire second floor. He went to the main bedroom wing.

He knocked. "Ian, if that is you, go away!" came Natalie's voice.

How friendly.

That could only mean one thing. She must be preparing a surprise party in there. Smiling, Ian simply barged in. However, there was just Natalie, no surprise coming out of anywhere. Ian wanted to explode, but he kept his composure.

"Natalie, do you perhaps know what day it is today?" Ian asked, trying to contain in his dismay.

Natalie looked a bit annoyed. "Friday duh. Just check your phone! What is with you today, Ian? You go out to downtown London in pajamas asking people the day! PAJAMAS! Seriously! Who does that? You're not even Daniel, or even Hamilton Dolt!"

"Natalie, you truly don't know?" Ian asked perplexed. "I thought you would know your own brother better! Especially since today is his birthday!"

Natalie laughed. "Your birthday! Your birthday is tomorrow, dimwit!" Natalie held her sides with laughter. "With a brain like yours, I would think you would at least remember you own birth date!"

Cracking up, Natalie waved him away and shut the door.

The sound of laughter in the background, Ian went to go look up Friday.

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><p><strong>Please READ AND REVIEW!<strong>


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